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There is not such thing as “my truth”


“My truth” is something people like to say these days. You hear it in the mouths of millennials when they are discussing their life experiences.

“I’ve been trying to live my truth lately.”

“We disagree. Your truth is your truth and my truth is mine.”

“I admire the way you speak your truth.”

The phrase “my truth” is usually meant to mean some combination of ‘my opinion’ and ‘my experience.’

Unlike either of these phrases, the phrase “my truth” implies an unarguable quality. You can’t contradict me, because this is my truth.

Except that I can, because there is no such thing as my truth.

Let’s refer to the definition of the word truth:

TRUTH according to dictionary.com

1. the true or actual state of a matter: He tried to find out the truth.
2. conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement.
3. a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.
4. the state or character of being true.
5. actuality or actual existence.
6. an obvious or accepted fact; truism; platitude.
7. honesty; integrity; truthfulness.
8. (often initial capital letter) ideal or fundamental reality apart from and transcending perceived experience: the basic truths of life.
9. agreement with a standard or original.
10. accuracy, as of position or adjustment.

None of these definitions allow for a subjective interpretation. Many of them explicitly state an objective reality.

This misuse of the word truth creates a problem when people do want to speak of objective truth. If all our words appeal to a subjective reality, we will lack the language of objectivity when we need to drill down to the truth. Our hands will be tied.

It’s an admirable quality to state your opinion and stick by it. But when you twist the definition of truth to imply that you have an unarguable position, you’re abusing the English language

Originally posted on Medium



The song title made popular by 80’s artist and Prince protege’s Apollonia was talking about using sex as a weapon – well sorta…

According to Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of the “The Secrets of Happily Married Women,” (Jossey-Bass, 2009), when you are angry, upset or sad, it may be difficult to think about hopping into bed with your partner, and it’s understandable why at certain times, some emotional work may need to be done before “sexual healing” can take place. But when individuals use sex as a form of behavior management, it can damage a relationship.

Here are 3 reasons why sex as punishment may be damaging:

1) A sexual relationship is a necessary part of every marriage. There’s no other place your partner can get sex except with you, so to be withholding sex as punishment may unconsciously give the message that he or she would be better off getting sex elsewhere, and it could lead to affairs.

2) Two individuals in a marriage will always have different needs at different times, and part of the challenge of a happy marriage is to negotiate getting needs met. But withholding sex isn’t negotiating, it’s blackmail, and your partner is likely to feel manipulated. Over time, that kind of withholding until conditions are met stirs resentment and alienation in your partner.

3) Sex is a way of showing love; if you don’t believe it, think back to when you and your partner first started getting it on. Married partners should always be looking for ways to demonstrate affection, but when sex is withheld as punishment, it gives the opposite message. Like it or not, withholding sex may make your partner may feel less love from you, and, contrary to what you’d like to see, he or she may give you less love in return.

Do you agree or disagree?




This is for all you ladies 40 years and over…. and for those who are turning 40, and for those who are scared of moving into their 50’s…AND 60’s..and for guys who are scared of ladies over 40!!!!

Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it’s usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated. A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”, here’s an update for you. Now 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

Men Who Do More Housework Have Less Sex


Conventional wisdom suggests that women are drawn to men who help out around the house. Yet new research indicates that some divisions of labor may be sexier than others. A February paper in the American Sociological Review reported that married couples in which men take on a greater share of the dishes, laundry and other traditionally female chores had sex less often than average, which in this study was about five times a month. Yet couples in which men confined themselves largely to traditionally male chores such as yard work enjoyed sex more frequently than average. Taken to the extreme, men who performed all the traditionally female chores would have had sex 1.6 times less often than men who did none of them. The study authors, from the Juan March Institute in Madrid and the University of Washington, arrived at the correlation by crunching data from the National Survey of Families and Households (NFSH), which gathered survey information from 4,500 U.S. married couples. The researchers ruled out any kind of coercion on the part of the “manly” chore-performing husbands by looking at data from the same survey on sexual satisfaction: they found that women from households with more traditional divisions of labor felt no less happy with their sex lives than women in more gender-neutral ones.

The study has its skeptics. Its data were gathered between 1992 and 1994, making demographer Sharon Sassler of Cornell University wonder about their relevance today. “In the past two decades,” she says, “who gets married has changed considerably.” Today most couples cohabit before marrying, and a large proportion of the women in those couples, Sassler argues, are not satisfied doing a disproportionate share of so-called women’s housework. According to Sassler, frequently those couples do not marry, making the set of couples who would qualify for the NSFH today profoundly different from the set in 1992.

Study co-author Julie Brines, a sociologist at the University of Washington, says men and women have deep-seated ideas about what is masculine and feminine. Displays of masculinity may evoke feminine displays in women, which activates or intensifies sexual charge. Put the man on a rider mower, in other words, and boom—fireworks. Stand him at a sudsy sink, and it’s a probable no go.




So a while back I read this story about a couple who had grown apart and had communication problems. The man loved to fish but his wife hated fishing and felt that he spent so much time fishing. As the story goes she blamed the amount of time fishing as why they grew apart. He invited her to come many times but she always refused.

I can’t remember if it was the pastor or a girlfriend but someone asked her WHY she never went fishing with him. When she thought about it, she had no other reason than she just didn’t like it. She didn’t like the worms and the fish were to scaley and jumpy. But deep down inside she felt like she was competing for his attention and no wife should have to compete for her husband’s attention. She should be worthy of his undivided attention and he should talk to her face to face without doing anything else. Right?

And then she was asked, which was more important, spending time with her husband or getting him to stop fishing to spend time with her.

She decided just spending time with him was more important so she finally went fishing with him. The first time she didn’t do anything but just sit on the boat and ask a few questions about what he was doing. It wasn’t the greatest adventure in her life but she noticed that while they were fishing, he spoke to her in more than one sentence phrases.

She thought that he was just being nice because she agreed to go with him so she agreed to go again. The next time she went she still didn’t do anything but ask a few more questions. This time when she went she noticed that as she asked questions that his answers included a little more information than the subject of fishing.

She wasn’t quite sure what to think so she thought she would test it one more time. This time she did a little research on fishing so that her questions would not just be general in nature. When they went fishing this time, she asked pointed questions about and to her surprise her husband was very knowledgeable and eager to talk about the subject and the more she asked the more he talked but he didn’t just talk about fishing he talked about everything.

She was so excited that her husband was talking to her that she recognized that fishing was actually not that bad. As she went a few more times she realized that while she was sitting on the boat or on the dock, she was able to ask him about things that had nothing to do with fishing and he actually talked to her.

Before long they had become friends again. Then she finally realized, that the more time she spent fishing, the more she got to know a side of her man that she knew existed but had rarely ever experienced in their marriage. The man that she fell in love with had come out of his shell and began to talk to her whether they were fishing or not.

Now they go fishing regularly. He bought her some gloves and pole and now she even baits her own hook and they even have a friendly competition going about who can catch the most or biggest fish.

The take away from this story is that Women crave face to face communication but Men tend to lean more towards side by side communication. If you ladies show a little bit of interest in what interests your man you might be surprised to discover that there is a real person down there. Not only did her investment help her regain her man, her husband, and her marriage but she also gained a new hobby that she regularly enjoys now WITH her husband.

Black Feminist


What follows is a fact sheet about Gloria Steinem’s operations against the various social and political movements in America, particularly her role in creating a hateful and virulent strain of Black feminism that attacks Black men while partnering with the white establishment.

Gloria Steinem first came across the radar of Black men in 1978 when Steinem put a book called “Black Macho and the Myth of the Superwoman” on the cover of Ms. Magazine, the magazine which she controlled. The book was “written” by a Black “feminist” and “activist” named Micele Wallace who came out of nowhere. Wallace was in her early twenties at the time, yet she was being touted as the “leader” of Black feminism. In the book, Wallace called abolitionists like Harriet Tubman and Sojouner Truth “ugly” and “stupid” for supporting Black men. She called Black Revolutionaries “chauvinist macho pigs” and advised Black women to “go it alone.” Gloria Steinem said that Wallace’s book would “define the future of Black relationships” and she pushed hard to make sure the book received massive publicity. Gloria Steinem’s work triggered a flood of “Hate Black Men” books and films that continues to this day. Needless to say, some were quite suspicious of Ms. Magazine and Gloria Steinem. Why was Steinem sticking her nose into the affairs of the Black community? So people started doing some research on Steinem. When it came out that Gloria Steinem was probably the ghost writer of the book with Michele Wallace’s name on it, Wallace had a nervous breakdown and went into hiding for two years. However, the damage was already done and the “Hate Black Men” movement was off and running. But the research into Gloria Steinem’s background continued. What follows is the findings of many different researchers.

BOTTOM LINE: The so-called “Black Feminist” movement was created and manipulated by the CIA from the very beginning. The only difference between Black Revolutionaries and Black Feminist on this issue is that the Black Revolutionaries KNOW they were infiltrated and manipulated—But Black Feminist are still unwilling to admit that they were infiltrated and manipulated, largely because they are highly invested in the hateful brand of Black feminism. As a result, the “Hate Black Men” movement has become MORE THAN just a political point a view: It is now a central part of the CULTURE of Black women and this fact has led to the destruction of the Black Revolution and the complete distortion of Black relationships. And the CIA had a direct hand in creating this situation.

The FACTS surrounding Gloria Steinem’s CIA operations follow:

FACT: Gloria Steinem is a CIA Agent and everything she has ever done throughout her adult life has been under the direction of the CIA.

FACT: Gloria Steinem was recruited into the CIA before she even graduated high school.

FACT: Gloria Steinem, who was from a poor and dysfunctional family and lived in a house without running water, was able to attend the elite and expensive Smith College. After she graduated she spent two years in India spying for the CIA. She received a “Chester Bowles Student Fellowship” to “study” in India. This was a Fellowship created by the CIA to cover Steinem’s expenses in India—no one has received a “Cheater Bowles Student Fellowship” either before or since Steinem received one.

FACT: One of Gloria Steinem’s first missions for the CIA was to manipulate the student movement (most people are STILL unaware that the National Student Association was created, funded and manipulated by the CIA). Steinem did this by organizing “student festivals” in Europe in the 1950’s and 1960’s. Steinem used the “student festivals” to spy on students for the CIA and she likely used the festivals to recruit new agents for the CIA. A second and more successful mission was to shift the orientation of the “woman’s movement” and splinter the Black Revolution of the 1960’s.

FACT: In 1958, Cord Meyer, head of the CIA’s International Organizations division (IO), had a plan. The Agency would provide discreet funding to an “informal group of activists” who would constitute themselves as an alternative American delegation to the festival. The CIA would not only pay their way but also assist them to distribute books and publish a newspaper in Vienna. Among other individuals, Meyer and his colleagues hired Gloria Steinem to work with them. Steinem had recently returned from a two-year stint in India.

FACT: In 1958, Steinem was recruited by CIA’s Cord Meyers to direct the “informal group of activists” now called the “Independent Research Service.” This was part of Meyer’s “Congress for Cultural Freedom,” which created magazines like “Encounter” and “Partisan Review” to promote a left-liberal chic to oppose Marxism. It was this operation that Steinem’s “student festivals” was a part of. Besides spying on students, Steinem also acted as an agent provocateur, helping to provoke riots.

FACT: Commenting on the CIA-controlled “student festivals” organized by Gloria Steinem, Sheila Tobias, an unwitting participant on one such trip (who later taught women’s studies at Cornell University), said the CIA: “was interested in spying on the American delegates to find out who in the United States was a Trotskyite or Communist. So we were a front, as it turned out.” (quoted by Marcia Cohen in the Sisterhood, 1988)

FACT: Further information of Steinem’s CIA operations: Working through C.D. Jackson and Cord Meyer, Steinem set up an organization in Cambridge, Massachusetts called the Independent Service for Information on the Vienna Youth Festival. She obtained tax-exempt status, and Jackson helped her raise contributions from various American corporations, including the American Express Company (a documented CIA money laundering operation). But most of the money came from the CIA, to be managed by Jackson in a “special account.” The entire operation cost in the range of $85,000, a considerable amount in those years.

FACT: Gloria Steinem was considered a CIA “whiz kid.” A CIA Operative named Samuel Walker, who made a career out of publishing and became president of Walker & Co. (a New York City publishing firm founded in the same year as the CIA funded Publications Development Corporation) worked well with Steinem.

Walker evaluated Gloria Steinem’s contribution to the CIA operations thusly:

“Gloria’s group continues to do yeoman service, distributing books etc. to the point where the cry has gone up ‘Never before have so many Young Republicans distributed so much Socialist literature with such zeal.’” Walker praised Steinem’s “female intuition” and wrote, “Gloria is all you said she was, and then some. She is operating on 16 synchronized cylinders and has charmed the natives….” (C.D. Jackson to Cord Meyer, 7/14/59, with attached Walker diary; Walker to Jackson, 7/31/59, DDE.) In other words, Gloria Steinem was NOT a naive dupe of the CIA, she was a highly motivated agent who took her own initiative to move against fellow students for the CIA.

FACT: Gloria Steinem’s name keeps showing up in projects associated with CIA operations. For example (From Kai Bird’s “The Chairman: John J. McCloy and the Making of the American Establishment”, New York: Simon & Schuster, 199: pp. 483-84, 727): In the summer of 1959, just before McCloy took his family for an extended trip to Europe, C.D. Jackson wrote to remind McCloy that later that summer a World Youth Festival was scheduled to take place in Vienna. Jackson asked McCloy to contribute a propaganda article. The piece would appear in a daily newspaper to be published in Vienna in conjunction with the festival. McCloy agreed, and the article was published (in five languages) in a newspaper distributed by a twenty-five-year-old Smith graduate named Gloria Steinem.

**This is a “student” publication: How was it published in five languages? Well the CIA did it, of course!!

FACT: When this covert operation was revealed by Ramparts magazine in 1967, Steinem told The New York Times that she approved the Agency’s role. “I was happy to find some liberals in government in those days who were far-sighted and cared enough to get Americans of all political views to the Festival.” Steinem’s definition of a “liberal” then included such young men as Zbigniew Brzezinski, an assistant professor at Harvard. Steinem arranged to fund Brzezinski’s visit to the “student festival.” Brzezinki would later become the National Security Advisor to President Jimmy Carter (1977-1981) and he was the man who invented the so-called “Bear Trap” which suckered the Soviet Union into invading Afghanistan. Brzezinski was also the man who first organized and funded Osama Bin Laden’s “Jihad” against the Soviets in Afghanistan. Gloria Steinem also identified and targeted Alice Walker in the early 1960’s. She befriended Alice Walker and paid for Alice Walker to come to the CIA-manipulated “student festival” in Vienna. Alice Walker would later become the foremost writer of anti-Black male hate books— all of which were funded by money funneled to her publishers by the CIA.

FACT: Steinem has boasted in interviews with the NY Times and the Washington Post (in 1967) that her training with the CIA was “good journalistic training” because the CIA “taught you to be accurate.” This statement proves that Steinem was happy to collect money working for the CIA.

FACT: Gloria Steinem worked with Carlos Bringier, the anti-castro Cuban who staged the famous WDSU interview with Lee Harvey Oswald.

FACT: Gloria Steinem dated J. Stanley Pottinger for nine years. Pottinger was in charge of sabotaging civil rights enforcement at the Justice Department (he was assistant attorney general) under President Nixon and President Ford. According to Donald Freed & Fred Landis in their book “Death in Washington”, J Stanly Pottinger also helped to cover up the assassinations of Martin Luther King and Orlando Letelier. Pottinger also publicly defended Gloria Steinem against charges of CIA involvement—which Steinem had already admitted. Why would a “radical feminist” like Gloria Steinem be anywhere near a guy like Pottinger, unless she was a government employee herself?

FACT: Gloria Steinem dated Henry Kissinger—a international war criminal, establishment technocrat, and a long time CIA operative—for years. Why would a “radical feminist” date someone who was considered a mass murderer by EVERYONE in the movement? You be the judge.

FACT: One of the principle stockholders in Gloria Steinem’s Ms. Magazine was Catherine Graham. In the book “Catherine The Great” by Deborah Davis, the longstanding involvement of Graham publishing empire (which includes The Washington Post and Newsweek) with the CIA was documented hat considerable length.

FACT: Gloria Steinem has lied often about her career and where she gets her money. For example: she received money to start Ms. Magazine from the right-wing millionaire publisher (he publishes the racist New York Daily News) and real estate magnate Mortimer Zuckerman. Steinem lied to Vanity Fair, claiming that Zuckerman’s provided no money for Ms. Magazine. But columnist Liz Smith revealed that Zuckerman had put $1.2 million into Ms. Magazine and sent his executives to help as well. Why did Steinem lie about this? Because her funding by racists, right wingers, and CIA agents would damage her “feminist credentials.” And there has NEVER been an adequate explanation of the original funding for Ms. Magazine nor for the rapid acceptance of feminist propaganda by the mass media in the early Seventies. No radical movement has ever spread with the speed of feminism, which went from little or no organization and acceptance to total domination in less than two years. Obviously, it did touch very deep frustrations in American women, but it is difficult to avoid the fact that the existing movement was manipulated very effectively to channel these frustrations to the benefit of the business community and the detriment of women, children, families and especially Black men.

FACT: Gloria Steinem’s fake literary career was conceived and executed by the CIA’s “Matrix Operatives.” One of Steinem’s CIA colleagues was Clay Felker. In the early 1960’s, he became an editor at Esquire and published articles by Steinem which established her as a leading voice for the CIA-manipulated “Feminist Movement.” In 1968, as publisher of New York Magazine, Felker hired Steinem as a contributing editor, and then editor of Ms. Magazine in 1971. Warner Communications (a known CIA front) put up almost all the money although it only took 25% of the stock. Ms. Magazine’s first publisher was Elizabeth Forsling Harris, a CIA-connected PR executive who planned John Kennedy’s Dallas motorcade route. Despite its anti establishment image, MS magazine attracted advertising from the cream of corporate America. It published ads for ITT (a CIA-supported corporation which helped engineer “Operation Chaos” in Chile which led to the CIA overthrow of a democratically elected government).

FACT: When N.Y. Times reporters confronted Steinem with documentation of her connections to the CIA and CIA funding of her various activities, Steinem remarked that she got caught because CIA wasn’t tricky enough. Hinting that CIA should have made better use of front companies, Steinem remarked:

“The CIA’s big mistake was not supplanting itself with private funds fast enough.” By the time Steinem founded Ms. Magazine, the CIA had learned how to funnel money through private individuals and corporations. That’s how Steinem was able to fund Ms. Magazine. Her CIA funding was so substantial, that Steinem was able to do the unprecedented: She stopped accepting advertising for Ms. Magazine. She didn’t need any more advertising: Because CIA money has been keeping her expensively produced magazine afloat from the very beginning.

FACT: Gloria Steinem had the (CIA) power to successfully censor three different publications (the book “The Feminist Revolution,” a “Village Voice” article, and a New York community newspaper article). All three’ publications documented Steinem’s involvement with the CIA. Nevertheless a story about Steinem’s CIA connections appeared in the “Village Voice” on May 21, 1979.

FACT: An organization of radical white feminists called “Red Stockings” outed Gloria Steinem as a CIA agent. When Red Stockings tried to publish a book called “Feminist Revolution” in 1979 with a chapter that detailed Steinem’s CIA connections, Steinem and her powerful CIA-connected friends forced Random House to delete the chapter on Steinem. Nevertheless the chapter on Steinem’s CIA connections appeared in the “Village Voice” on May 21, 1979, but only after the “Village Voice” had been threatened by Steinem’s lawyers. The book “Feminist Revolution” is still available. You can buy the censored version from Redstockings for $8.00. For $4.00 (or free if you buy “Feminist Revolution”), you get the censored section which contains detailed material on Steinem’s early work with the CIA, and an account of how this story was censored after originally being scheduled for publication. Who were the powerful people who put pressure on Random House, the “Village Voice” and Red Stockings on Steinem’s behalf? Catherine Graham, publisher of the Washington Post (Graham is a known CIA agent—see the book “Catherine the Great” by Deborah Davis), Franklyn (uncle) Thomas of the Ford Foundation (The Ford Foundation is a documented funnel for CIA funds), and Warner Communications (a Ms. Magazine stock holder and CIA propaganda company)

FACT: Since the middle of World War II, the U.S. intelligence establishment has spent billions of dollars researching mind control techniques and inventing mind control technology. Thousands of people were kidnapped, drugged, hypnotized and tortured as a part of the CIA’s mind control research and field testing. Many of these victims began surfacing in the 1980’s.

These victims were having strange dreams and flashbacks. This was dangerous
for the CIA because their mind control operations could be exposed. So the CIA created, funded and controlled a number of organizations that floated the idea that these victims were suffering from strange dreams and flashbacks BECAUSE THEY HAD BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED BY THEIR PARENTS AS CHILDREN AND HAD REPRESSED THOSE MEMORIES. This would become the perfect way of mis-directing the search for who really victimized these people. Strangely enough, Gloria Steinem teamed up with Ted Gunderson to forment the “Satanic child abuse” hysteria as a way to help cover-up the CIA’s mind control experiments on human beings. [Gunderson once bragged about being one of the top FBI COINTELPRO supervisors during the wipe out of the Black Panther Party in the ‘60s and ‘70s.] For the inside story on Steinem’s operations with Gunderson read “Satan’s Silence: Ritual Abuse and the Making of a Modern Witch Hunt” by Debbie Nathan and Michael Snedeker (1995).

FACT: In 1975 Gloria Steinem two important feminist leaders, Carol Hanisch and Kathie Sarachild, again accused Steinem of working for the CIA and directing the movement toward moderation and capitulation. Steinem ignored the accusations, hoping they would go away, but then noted feminist Betty Friedan implied that “a paralysis of leadership” in the movement “could be due to the CIA” and she demanded that Steinem respond. After three months, Steinem wrote a six-page letter to feminist publications describing her work with the CIA. “I naively thought then that the ultimate money source didn’t matter” wrote Steinem, aiming to dispel the charge that she was a government operative. However, the government WAS INDEED keeping tabs on the feminist movement through female informants paid by the FBI and CIA and Steinem was a part of that. See “THE WORLD SPLIT OPEN: How the Modern Women’s Movement Changed America” By Ruth Rosen.

FACT: Here’s a list of how the kind of feminism advocated by Gloria Steinem has actually BENEFITED the business community when it pushed women into the work place:

• Women work for less (and Black women work for A LOT LESS).
• Women are more docile and less likely to deviate from company policies (and Black women are the most docile workers of all).
• Women are less likely to join labor unions.
• By increasing the size of the labor pool, women created more competition for jobs thus reducing wages.
• More female workers means more sex for the boss (Black female executives are notorious for being “passed around” among white executives—mainly because their low self-esteem makes them think that such “attention” is a compliment. Do you know any white male executives? Talk to them when you get a chance. They use the term “instant p****y” when referring to the Black female executives in their companies.).
• In two-income families, one person is more likely to work part-time or as a temporary, such workers get paid less and they don’t get benefits.
• Taking children away from their mothers at an early age tends to increase their anxiety levels and results in higher rates of tension-relieving consumption as they grow up (and Black folks have become SUPER consumers, especially Black women).
• The loss of women’s household services increases purchases of various forms of fatty fast foods, which have higher profit levels than home-cooked meals (this has particularly affected Black women: their blubber index has skyrocketed).



Ok so I have seen this post in few groups and so I will post it in here with my thoughts. WARNING this one is kind of long and it may arouse your feelings but before you respond my death sentence just TRY to go beyond the surface.

I am not saying that ANYTHING is true in EVERY nor am I speaking to YOUR case because I don’t know your specific circumstances HOWEVER – I have witnessed enough different situations to speak on the subject.


We know this is not a new subject and at first I used to think NO but as I have read and listened to the arguments for NO from both men and women, I noticed something very interesting. MOST of the arguments for no have a common thread that involve some level of the love of self or self preservation.

Now if you are not a Christian, this line of thinking may seem a little foreign to you and you may not agree even if you are one. But for the Christian or should I say the one seeking to truly be a Christian with just a touch of spiritual discernment recognizes that the love of self is a deadly cancer in any relationship.

One Christian Counselor puts it this way…

“We cannot afford to let our spirits chafe over any REAL or SUPPOSED wrong done to ourselves. SELF IS THE ENEMY WE MOST NEED TO FEAR. No form of vice has a more baleful effect upon the character than has human passion not under the control of the Holy Spirit. No other victory we can gain will be so precious as the victory gained over self….” Because “under the general heading of “Selfishness” comes every other sin.”


From a relationship standpoint, If it is true that self is truly our greatest enemy then the inability to die to self is WHY we have so many problems in our relationships.

Staying married because of children may not be the BEST reason to stay married but it can be a GOOD one.

Consider the fact that our children did not ask to be born in this world and you were not being mad or hateful or selfish when you were making them. More than likely whether they were planned or not you both took grate pleasure in creating them. You both were giving yourself to one another and the children were the result of that SELFLESSNESS. And in a positive response to that act of selflessness, GOD Himself responded by allowing you to borrow some of His creative power to create another life.

And here is the rub – HE DID THAT KNOWING that you would end up at the divorce lawyers office 10 or 20 years later.


That in and of itself is reason enough.

I mean that is not the first time God has went to such extremes to save someone. The Bible says that Judas was a thief. Not only was he thief but Jesus KNEW he was a thief. Jesus KNOWING that he was thief not only made him a part of his inner circle but made him the TREASURER. WTDTA!!!!!

But after participating in several discussions about this, I see children as another great opportunity to die to self. We already do it daily for our children. We literally sacrifice our lives and our health for our children, giving them everything we possibly can to make sure that they can have a “better” life than we had.

If you are married with children and contemplating divorce, 9 times out of 10 it is because you and your partner lack the ability to die to self. Even with adultery. #WTHDHJS – Yes I said it. Even in cases of adultery. It is not your children’s fault that you and your partner are so selfish. FORGET ABOUT WHO IS MORE SELFISH. Does it REALLY matter? If it does to you then basically you are saying in your eyes you are perfect and don’t need to change ANYTHING about you.

WHY – Paul says it in Hebrews 12:2-4

2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3 For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.


I’m going to divorce him because he hit me –
They hit Jesus – did he divorce you?

Now before you go there – I am not talking about if your life is danger and your are consistently being physically abused. That would be the 1 out of 10 in my book where the situation needs a change in location and proximity.

But in a time of anger and lack of self control you and your partner have gotten into a scuffle, a shoving match or even come to blows how is that different when you were younger. Have you ever fought your siblings? Have you ever fought your friends? I know I have. But after a few days, sometimes just hours we were back to being friends. Because fighting alone did not change my connection to them. In most cases they were/are still your friends or siblings aren’t they?

Is the person you pledged your life to worth less of that same kind of selflessness. Do children have a greater capacity to forgive than adults?

And like I said they hit Jesus until he was bloody and unrecognizable and he endured all that for you.

Yes I know women are the “weaker” sex when it comes to that and I am in no way advocating physical abuse or that you endure blood and broken limbs – don’t miss the forest because of a tree. The REAL question is could you both have done something different to avoid those situations. And if so wouldn’t be be better to do that rather than to just take the easy route and leave.

I’m going to divorce him because he said something soooo cruel and hateful.
SO! They openly called Jesus a Bastard and ridiculed Him about everything He did. The even called Him the Son of the Devil. Just think today how the news would be if some woman came around taking about being impregnated by a Spirit.

He endured even despised that OPEN shame for you.
Did He cast you aside?

He committed adultery.

Ok so here is a tricky one (not the 1 out of 10 tho) because this seems to be an unpardonable sin with women (even though there is only 1 unpardonable sin – but that is another post) But the Bible DOES give permission for a divorce in the case of adultery but it is not that cut and dry.

Divorce CAN be an option but it is not the ONLY or even the BEST option.

There are few things in the entire Bible (less than 10) that is listed as being HATED by God and Divorce is one of them.

Is there a better option? Yes! Forgiveness is a better option.
Have you been 100% faithful to Christ?
Has Christ forgiven you for your unfaithfulness.

The Bible does not say that anyone who ever committed adultery will not make it into heaven it says “adulterers” There is a huge difference. In short, that means someone who has made adultery an habitual practice to the point where they are not sorry for doing it. (but that’s another post also)

Am I saying that a man is justified in committing adultery NO, but what I am saying is that adultery is not a bigger sin than lying or murder with your tongue. Nor is it greater than the sin of SELFISHNESS. It is just one form of selfishness.

And that form of selfishness is not worse than any form of selfishness that you subscribe to. And ANYONE who tries to make it bigger is trying step into the role of God.

Adultery once that’s on you. Adultery twice that’s on me. I’m out.
Ok you have the right to be “out” but the Bible does not say you HAVE to be out. As a matter of fact it says a RIGHTEOUS man FALLS 7 TIMES and gets back up.

It has been said by several scholars that Mary Magdalene was woman of the street. If you remember when she came with her alabaster box, there was one in the group that said – If Jesus is who He said He is then he wouldn’t let “this” kind of woman touch Him. Some scholars suggest that in order for Simon to say this so matter of factly, that he must have had inside information on exactly what kind of woman she WAS.

In Luke it actually says that Jesus cast SEVEN devils out of her. Meaning that she just did not pop into being the perfect Christian after her first encounter with HIm. SHE FELL and kept getting up and SHE FELL and kept getting up until SHE FELL at His feet washing them with her tears and her hair. Can you imagine that? I mean lets talk about how they primarily wore sandals and didn’t have paved roads back then. :O And what was His response?

“She has been forgiven much so she LOVED much.”

One of the best descriptions of marriage that I have heard is

Marriage is two imperfect people STRIVING to love each other perfectly.

If you married with children and at the point of contemplating divorce then your children are already suffering. In most cases divorce is not going to END the suffering, it is going to compound it.

But I need peace and happiness and that is more important you say.

Actually WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED is not more important you are still working from the standpoint of SELF PRESERVATION.

Now, not only are you are showing that not are you unwilling to die to self for the one you have united in holy matrimony with in front of God and all those witnesses.

Not only are you showing that you did not really mean it when you said for Better or for Worse.

Could things get worse?

You are now saying that you are so unwilling to sacrifice yourself for the one you are supposed to love “Until Death Do You Part” but that you would rather sacrifice them AND the fruit of that love you so happily expressed (the children) to save your ideas, your priorities, your wants, your needs > your self.

What an insult to the self sacrifice that was made for you.

Luke 17:33
Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.

Unforgiveness Causes Divorce!


It’s no secret that divorce is rampant. It’s rampant everywhere; not just in Hollywood. The divorce statistics of those in the Church are just as high so apparently the lesson of forgiveness needs to reach us all! Perhaps marriage vows should read something more like, ‘Till I want to part because it’s Tuesday’ and not ‘ till death due us part’ because people really just don’t get it. It would make sense really since in today’s society it’s more about having million dollar weddings and marriages that last oh; a couple of months. And that’s a big maybe. So what’s the issue causing such divorce at a record pace?


Yep. Sure you may be thinking, “Well, I have grounds. He’s not the man I married.” Or you may be thinking, ‘She’s changed.’ And so? If she or he didn’t change you would be mad about that too so what really is the point? This is where we have it all wrong! Our society has deemed marriage disposable and worthless and the people in it are just as pathetic by the day of the divorce decree.

Are we just that selfish and narcissistic to not stop and see it? Anyone anywhere can come up with a justified reason for anything; but it doesn’t mean it’s good or even right; or even the best one and may see after the fact that the grass is greener on the other side but they still have to mow it.

See; the infidelity, withholding sex, silent treatment, drinking, not spending time together, growing apart, waiting for the children to go to college, job loss, income issues; and all the other things related to the reasons ‘why’ are just symptoms. Every single thing that is the cause of divorce is symptom related.

The real issue is beneath all of those symptoms and most couples never recognize it. Why? Because they are too busy blaming and trying to be right rather than forgiving. If only couples would learn the lesson of forgiveness NOW so that these problems don’t become the cause of divorce we may have more marriages that actually do last a lifetime. So how does unforgiveness cause divorce?

1. Unforgiveness keeps you focused on the symptoms. When you are focused on the symptoms you aren’t able to see the problem. Why are you not having sex with your spouse? Why are you not spending time together? ‘Not having time’ is an excuse not the reason. People make time for what is important. If you are not, then ask yourself when it’s divorce time who’s fault is it really? What am I doing or not doing that has my marriage where it’s at?

2. Unforgiveness is a victim mentality. We are all victims of things other people to do us at some point in life. None of us are perfect; none are immune. If you are living your life as the victim of what your spouse did to you it’s clear sign you have not forgiven. Period. If you want to get a clear picture stop and reflect on all the things that you have done that probably hurt your spouse in some capacity. Stop blaming your spouse when you are in the same marriage! Start forgiving.

3. Unforgiveness keeps you focused on the past. Unforgiving people live in the past. It’s all about what happened ‘way back when’ which really has nothing to do with ‘now but never mind actually bringing that up with them because it’s a moot point. That person will have plenty to speak about how you missed the birthday party five years as a former neighbor of mine would remind her boyfriend every Friday night at the midnight living room fight. Clearly; a sign that they were not able to move on because she just could not let it go. It was five years ago! If you are hoarding the mistakes of your spouse from even yesterday it’s time to forgive. And quickly otherwise the resentment, bitterness, and all the other symptoms will be evident to the extent of the death of your marriage.

If you want true freedom in your marriage; forgive. You don’t want to let the mistakes your spouse made destroy what you have invested your life to build. Don’t be like those in Hollywood who learn of their husband’s former flings and then harbor it for selfish reasons. It’s not worth it. It’s not to say that forgiving someone is easy because we all know it’s not and this is not a prosperity message. This is a message written to save your life, your marriage, your family and your future. Take it serious while you still can.

In case your forgot: forgive.

Do you require more than God?


Do you require more than God?

1st John 1:9 says If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

God is the creative force in the universe.

He said LET THERE BE LIGHT and there WAS light.

Then he snapped and the dust from His fingers spread out as the galaxies in the universe.

Then He rounded the air in a circle between His hands and bowled the planets into existence.

He spat out the 7 seas.

Blinked His eyes and created the wind.

Cleared His throat and the thunders shook the earth.

Then He dipped His paint brush on His tongue and painted a picture of life on one of those planets and the animals walked, flew and swam out of the canvas of trees and flowers that he drew.

Then He stood on the sea shore, peered down at that calm crystal clear blue water, looked at Himself and then stooped down and formed a miniature image of Himself.

Then He gave it mouth to mouth recitation and breathed into that little image the breath of life and named that statue Adam meaning man.

But then He said “it is not good that man be alone.” (we could stop right there) 13133299_10206425570578302_3290915163491148641_n
but that is another post…

But He continues and says “I will make him a helpmeet.”

And then He rocks his newborn baby, Adam to sleep in His arms and proceeds to perform the first open heart surgery and brings EVE to life.


Yet the GOD who possess the power to do ALL THAT only requires I’M SORRY when we have done him wrong. No matter how great or small the offense 1st John says If we just say I’M SORRY

He forgives us but not only forgives, He cleanses us meaning He treats us as if we never did it.

Not if we cry, bring flowers, clean up, buy gifts, change, stop, don’t, go, do, does, and did to say we are sorry.

just – I’M SORRY

Do you require more than GOD?



by Gary and Joy Lundberg

There is a natural order in marriage. It begins with two people falling in love, believing that they are the most important person in the world to each other. As children come along they need to be cherished and loved but never more than your spouse. Then when they’re grown and gone, it’s back to just two people again. When these two remain in love, it provides a stability and a legacy for the children, no matter their age.

Your children need to see how marriage works

If you push your spouse down on your list of priorities, your children will believe that marriage isn’t all that important. On the other hand, if they see you honoring your spouse with that number one spot, they will feel a love and security that can come in no other way.

A young adult shared the following experience. She said, “When I was little I used to ask my mom who she loved the most, me or Dad. She always said, “Dad.” I asked him the same question, and he answered “Mom.” Of course, I knew they loved me, but I was always a little disappointed that they didn’t say they loved me the most. A few years later I asked them again and the answer they gave showed me on top, at last. They said they loved me the most. The funny thing is, it didn’t feel so good after all. It wasn’t the feeling I was expecting. I liked it better when they said they loved each other the most.” A few years later they were divorced. She said, “They needed to keep loving each other the most, then I might still have a mom and dad together. It’s sad.”

Twin college coeds were counseling their younger sisters about what to look for in their future husband. They wrote: “Tonight when Dad comes home from work or meetings, listen to the first words he’ll say when he walks in the door: ‘Where’s my beautiful wife?’ Then watch as he searches the house to find her, just so he can kiss her to let her know he loves her. Notice how he’ll start helping with whatever he can right away, and how he makes every one of you feel so important as he asks about your day.” Putting your spouse first does not diminish the love your children feel from you. It enhances it as long as you show love to them as well.

It creates a feeling of romance in your marriage

You know right off the top that you matter to your spouse, and that’s romantic. How open are you to respond with love and affection when you feel that you are the most important person in the world to your spouse? Keeping romance alive in marriage is crucial. And this is not just about “making love,” it’s about giving love in everyday little acts of caring that show your spouse how much he or she means to you. An unhappy husband told us that her wife meets the needs of everyone else first and rarely even notices his. Are there times when a child’s needs come first? Of course, but not continually and not at the expense of your spouse. A father of three young children, when asked if he still had the top spot on his wife’s list of priorities, said, “I’m not even on the list.” He wasn’t laughing. Busy spouses must always find time to show their mates how important they are to them.

Children who are continually number one become self-centered

When they are practically worshiped at home by a parent, children go out into the world with an unrealistic view; one that says they are owed. In an article by physician Danielle Teller, titled “How American parenting is killing the American marriage,” she said, “Children who are raised to believe that they are the center of the universe have a tough time when their special status erodes as they approach adulthood. Most troubling of all, couples who live entirely child-centric lives can lose touch with one another to the point where they have nothing left to say to one another when the kids leave home… Is it surprising that divorce rates are rising fastest for new empty nesters?”

It helps everything else in your life go better

When your marriage is going well, it improves every other part of your life. If you have to spend time worrying about your marriage, it will take away from your productivity at work. Even more important, if you spend time fretting over marital problems, you have less time to devote to your children. There is only so much time and space in your life so keeping the marriage strong opens up more avenues for your relationship with your children to flourish. Keeping your spouse in that number one spot is what helps make that happen.

When divorce and remarriage enter the scene, it can be complicated. Where do the children of the first marriage fit? The new spouse deserves that number one spot, but that does not mean the children of a previous marriage are excluded. Children of divorce can feel left out and unloved if proper attention is not given to them. They may not be number one, but they need to be a very close number two, even if they are unlovable at times. They’re hurting. They need both of their natural parents’ love for them to thrive.

If you are a step-parent (some call it more lovingly — a bonus parent), then you need to be willing to welcome your current mate’s children into your lives and allow him or her to have time to enjoy their children. Bring them into a loving family where they can see that your current marriage is one of happiness and strength. It will give them a feeling of security they were missing before.