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Contrary to popular opinion SEX IS NOT EVERYTHING

However, if you make no special effort to show that is important to you (notice I didn’t say AS IMPORTANT) just important will do.

e.g. dressing for the occasion, taking off the head wrap and no stump on a logness, soft light or music, cleaning up the bedroom, different room than the bedroom, sexting during the day, no hurry up and get this over with so I can go to sleep cause I had a long dayness, no you better be happy that you even getting itness etc.

Believe it or not, It is not everything to a man but if you don’t at least make a noticeable effort to show that it is #important to you…

nothing else will be important to him.



If you keep going out of your way to show a man how much you don’t need him, eventually he will believe you.

Take a note Ladies from the incomparable Miss Jill Scott, IMHO these lyrics show that she just might be one of the smartest women on the planet.

I know most of you are thinking that the only thing that men have on their mind is sex but I would go so far to say this is one of if not THE greatest love songs ever penned to a man WTHDHJS I’m Sorry Mrs. Jackson (Janet), I am for real. These are the most sensual whisper of words by a woman to ever “woo man” if you know what I mean – it’s like woo man!

I keep seeing the meme floating around that says. Don’t be a woman who needs a man be the woman a man needs. OK good luck with that one. Let me know how that works out for you.

This post-modern society has set women on a mission to try and prove they can do almost everything a man can do, especially in the work world, if you want to RIP please get off that train. It is not about ABILITY. Whether we menfolk like it or not, WE ALREADY KNOW YOU CAAAAAAN do it. The question is do you NEED to do it.

The Good Book says it this way – “All things are lawful but all things are not expedient.”

In business and marketing, we are trained to avoid using the word guarantee. But I GUARANTEE a wife or woman in a relationship with a mature man who lives by the words of these songs won’t have to worry about her emotional needs or ANYTHING ELSE being met for that matter.

Show him that you need him and RespectInPeace                          

I can pay my own light bill baby
Put my own gas in my own car
I can buy my own shoe collection
I’ve been blessed thus far

I can kill the spider above my bed
Although it’s hard because I’m scared
I can even stain and polyurethane
But some things just don’t change

Sometimes so hard to say uh
Some things remain

I can buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair dyed my nails fly
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing

I can even raise a child well made
Make sure he’s loved and knows what God gave uh huh
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man


So hard to say
Some things don’t change

I can be a Congress Woman or a garbage woman,
A police officer, or a carpenter
I can be doctor and a lawyer and a mother, and a good goddess
Woman, what you done to me, good lover I can be
I can be a computer analyst
The queen with the nappy hair, raising the fist
or I can be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer
Sweet as the first kiss

And even though I can do all these things
And even though I can all these things
And even though I can do all these things by my damn self
I do, I do, I do, I do
And though I can do all these here things
I do



{Accountability of SIA}

Here is my definition of Feminism.

“Feminism is European/White woman movement where she benefits from White Privilege and White Supremacy created by her White Man but has a problem when the same oppressive behavior she benefits from expresses itself as the sexism and chauvinism based on European Theism”
YKFW – 5/18/2016

My definition is not based on what it has become, tried to be inclusive of or transformed itself to be.
The logical root, foundation and the heart of feminism is based on the definition I provided.


Here are my questions that I really seek intelligent answers to??

What can Black/Men Of African Descent do so that Black/Women Of African Descent do not see Feminism as their best option for Empowerment, Respect and Restorative Justice???

What can Black/Women of African Descent do to make sure that in receiving the well deserved Empowerment, Respect and Restorative Justice there is not a separation or diminishing of the importance of the Black Family??

What are the reasons that when Black Feminists or Black Women who identify with Feminism speak about the empowerment of Women rarely is the Triple Oppression of Black Women mentioned??

Ubuntu with Sincerity for Love
Ujima with Integrity for Respect
Ujamaa with Accountability for Reciprocity

Wives, Remember…


Wives: Remember you are your husband’s “suitable helper.” Gen 2:18. A virtuous wife doesn’t seek to take over her husband’s priestly role; neither is she threatened by his leadership position.

Instead a virtuous wife takes joy in honoring her husband and elevating him to his rightful position. While ordinary wives belittle or disrespect their husbands; a virtuous wife praises and protects her husband’s image and reputation.

A virtuous wife takes great pride in her sacred “suitable helper” position and does everything in her power to help her husband become all that God wants him to be.

Because she knows she is his “suitable helper” a virtuous wife doesn’t waste time complaining about her husband’s faults and weakness. Instead she gets on her knees and prays for her husband.

There’s no perfect husband.

Every man needs a “Virtuous Suitable Helper.”

Pray “Lord make ME a “Virtuous Suitable Helper. Amen”

Together4Ever – Isaac Kubvorun



Are you in a relationship where your emotional needs are not being met?

1st question to self: Have I communicated them clearly?

Just because you told him about it during an argument doesn’t mean it actually registered. He probably was busy preparing his defense. Also, keep in mind that women speak a different language than men so if you said it in a way only another woman would understand you might need to rephrase and restate it.

I told him 3 times already, I shouldn’t have to tell him again DOES NOT solve the problem.

e.g. Honey, when you do (abc), I feel like xyz – I NEED YOU TO DO THAT ERE DAY (or something like that)

or take a novel approach and write him a love letter in your own hand writing (not email)

Saying I told him already doesn’t mean anything if it didn’t register especially if you said it when you both were heated. I mean, is the goal to pride yourself on him not knowing so you will always have something to throw up in his face when you are arguing or is it to have your man meeting your emotional needs?

2nd question to self: Am I careful to be a Respecter?

Before you say your resounding YES! Do you definitively know what HE considers R-E-S-P-E-C-T? Have you ever actually asked him? Do you know the things you say or do that you think are ok but may represent blatant disrespect is to him?

Well, that’s just the way I am, he’s just going to have to deal with it. DOES NOT solve the problem.

I’ll make it personal. When I first met my wife she was a single mom who was used to doing things on her own. She had been burned by her daughter’s father, so she developed a habit of doing certain things herself from being alone. So when I took her out on a date and the waitress met us the door, without a second thought she would step out in front of me and start talking to the waitress for our seating.

To a woman, this may seem like such a trivial thing. You may even say my man doesn’t care, he has never even said anything. If you don’t get anything else from today’s broadcast, understand this clearly!


You may respond, well if it is that deep he should say something. Maybe he should but some of us men have become experts at choosing our battles and we have learned to do what has been coined “suffering in silence.”

He may not say anything because he has assessed other problems that the two of you have had and decided that this one battle is not worth a potential all out war. But as a wise person once said…

It’s the little things that add up.

So if you have clearly stated what your #emotional needs are in a way that HE understands and you still are not having your emotional needs met, it might be time to take a serious look at the level of respect you exercise in your words and actions.

I’m not suggesting that this is always the case. No am I attempting to shift blame for the bad behavior of SOME of my brothers. Sometimes we men can be uncaring and insensitive and clueless about how to love a woman but if that is not the case with your man. If you have experienced him successfully meeting your emotional needs from time to time and you know it is in him to do it but that side of him is noticeably absent. If I were a betting man I would say that you have contributed to his LACK OF DESIRE to fulfill your emotional needs through your disrespect whether knowingly or unknowingly.

I know that all of you aren’t Christians but the Good Book says

“Examine yourself and see if you be in the faith.

For our purposes, we can paraphrase that and say

“Examine yourself and see if you are being respectful.”

If not

You have some making up to do. (Some heartfelt apologies wouldn’t hurt either) Change directions and…

Respect In Peace RIP

Are you a Queen or Nah?


Are you a Queen or Nah?

Something to think about. How are you treating our husband? It’s easy to say you treat him how he “deserves” to treated, but often the real issue is you treat your husband the same way you treat yourself.

How do you view yourself?

Are you a Queen? Cool, then act like one.

Queens are married to Kings, right?

Cool, then treat him like one!

Not Easily Broken


Sitting at home watching Not Easily Broken

During the narration Dave (Morris Chestnut) states “when society told the man he was not needed or significant anymore it turned the world up side down.”

From a Black man in Dave’s situation and perspective, (self employed and trying to get his business off the ground), we are reminded everyday how insignificant the American society views us.

The frying pan of slavery that we thought we jumped out of landed us in the fire of institutional racism. It has simply changed clothes (from white sheets to black robes) and location (from the neighborhood to theprecincts and the court room.)

Just like on the plantation.

The White man still uses the Black woman as the protector ofwhitesupremacy and unconsciously she continues to champion the cause like Wonder Woman. They have made it hard for the Black man to get good paying jobs regardless of his education level or experience so by long term effect, he is purposely kept down and virtually powerless to adequately provide for his family.

The system has reduced him to a commodity, actually he never stopped being a commodity but now the Black woman’s measuring stick for men has become “what he can he bring to the table.”

In most cases, he (Massa) is her employer, whether she actually sees him daily or not, the message that is driven home every time she clocks in is that he is the boss. He is the one in power. He is the one who signs the front of her check and by implication, he is the one providing for her family – just like Massa used to do by bringing her to the big house.

The way Clarice (Taraji P. Henson) talked to her husband with such disrespect and contempt. Her mother’s interference in their marriage. Her comparing the money she bought in the house to the money he bought in the house. Did I mention the disrespect. The lack of support of his dreams and goals. Whether business, little league, or basketball with the fellas. She is devastated and surprised to find out that another women pulls the rug out from under her world WITHOUT even sleeping with her husband.

He wasn’t looking, he wasn’t trying, he wasn’t interested in the other woman but after being strangled by lack of support and respect, his love died a natural death and he literally became part of the walkingdead.

Did I mention that he never even slept with her.

Then Clarice shows up at Julie’s (the other woman) door blaming her for breathing life into the shell of a man that she herself suffocated. But Julie didn’t have to perform CPR, he was so life starved, the wind from her eyelash was enough to create a tornado in his spirit.

Then it comes to a climax with her mother throwing his stuff out the house and then standing in between Clarice and Dave them declaring that…

“She is more of a man than you will ever be!”

Reiterating the message she hears every time she goes to work and Massa pays her to continue to keep the plantation going.

We think this stuff is just entertainment but it is happening in 2016 as if it was 1620.

Don’t miss…
Not Easily Broken Part 2 “Mama Drama”

Love is not “IF or “BECAUSE.”


So many times I hear ladies say “IF a man would do this or that or treat me this way or that way then I would abc or xyz.

It is very interesting to note the resounding “Amens” that are yelled out when statements are made about how a Man should love his Woman and love her unconditionally. If you pay close attention, even men will quietly agree with the statements made. Especially if she is sitting next to him. 🙂

But when statements are made about how a Woman should respect her Man then all of these conditions suddenly come into view about how he has to earn it and be gentle, act respect worthy and be kind, have a j.o.b. and provide a certain lifestyle and show compassion etc. etc.

Expecting Unconditional Love and providing Conditional Respect is NOT what God had in mind.

Love is not “IF or “BECAUSE.”


and RESPECT should be too.



My husband and I spent many years in a miserable state. I’m ashamed to tell you that this list is a result of some of the ways I was guilty. Several ways, actually. I’d love for you to learn from the mistakes I made over the years.

You might be disrespecting your husband if . . .

1. You throw him under the bus in public.

When you point out his faults, criticize, or correct him, he feels like an idiot in front of others—and that’s demeaning. Don’t embarrass him in any way (especially in front of your children). Would you want him to do that to you?

2. You remind him of his past failures.

It’s something that was settled long ago (or maybe just last week), and you just can’t seem to let it go. We’ve all failed. Let go of things that have already been worked through and settled. If there are unresolved issues that were never dealt with biblically, don’t bring them up to use as a bully club but take steps to graciously resolve them and move on.

3. You unload on him as soon as he walks in the door.

One thing I can’t stress to wives enough—hug your man when he comes in from work! Greet him with a kiss and some love. Give him an encouraging word, and hold off on letting him know what a tough time you’ve had. He has had a long day. (You might have faced a challenging day yourself, but you show genuine love and care for your man when you take interest in him and his day above your own.) He’s been hit with challenges that you haven’t faced, and perhaps he fought battles you’ll never know about. Be what makes it all worth coming home to.

4. You expect him to be just like your girlfriend.

He’s probably not a crafter, a scrapbooker, or a fan of spending five hours at the mall. An afternoon in the nail salon is probably not his idea of fun. He’s not going to communicate with you like your best friend or want to know the complete story you want to tell—down to the very last detail. Appreciate him for being a man, and leave the girl stuff to your girlfriends.

5. You expect him to read your mind.

Just tell him. Don’t play those mind games where you’re thinking, If he really loved me, I wouldn’t have to tell him that I want him to . . . (fill in the blank). Your husband will be so grateful if you’ll ditch the mind-reading game and just have some honest and gracious communication.

6. You treat him like your child.

Men know they don’t think like we do. They know that it can be challenging to measure up to our expectations or desires. When they forget to close the lid on the toilet, it’s not because they want to irritate us. When they take the long route because they forgot the right exit, it’s not because they want to burn that extra gas. When we talk to our husbands in the same tone we would use with our children, it’s disrespectful. And that’s a sin.

7. You unload the big guns at 11 p.m.

Don’t wait until bedtime to bring up a topic of discussion that has the potential to put the two of you on opposite sides of an all-out battle until near dawn. If you need to have a conversation that has the potential for major conflict or emotion, do it early in the evening (or maybe save it for a morning when he’s home). Respect his need to get some rest.

8. You compare him to that “perfect guy” at church.

Your husband may not seem as “spiritual,” may not treat you the same way you see that “perfect guy” treat his wife, may not sound as knowledgeable, or seem as interested in the sermon. But your husband probably has some worthy qualities that you may be missing because you’re so focused on what he’s “not.” Rather than comparing him to another man, why not ask God to open your eyes to see things that you’ve not yet appreciated about him?

9. You give him the silent treatment.

Whenever you use the silent treatment to manipulate him, it harms both of you. The silent treatment is a hostile punishment tool. Don’t make things more difficult by clamming up or stuffing your anger. If you’re hurt or angry, first go to God and ask Him to search your heart to see if the anger is righteous or if there is some offense that needs to be discussed. Talk it out with your husband. Be honest and humble in your communication, and remember—he’s not your enemy!

10. You use sex as a weapon.

The gift of sexual intimacy is to be an expression of unselfish love. It’s a physical demonstration of spiritual unity. Don’t withhold yourself to punish your husband, and don’t use your intimacy as a bribing technique (1 Cor. 7:1–5). Honor your marriage bed as sacred, and love your husband well.

Asking God to
Reveal Your Heart

I hope I haven’t seemed harsh. It’s just that I know how easy it is to slip into a disrespectful attitude that morphs into ugly treatment of those we love most. I’m challenging all of us today to set aside any of these things that are a common, but destructive, tendency in marriage.

I hope you’ll ask God to show you if anything on this list is true of you. If so, spend some time seeking God. Then ask Him to show you specific things you need to ask your husband to forgive you for, and share that with him.

If you invite your husband to join you, it might open up a discussion where you can reach a better understanding of his needs.

What has God spoken into your heart through these ten items? How can you let this list encourage you to respect your husband and deepen your commitment to him?



Last month my neighbor went to complain to her mother!

*Daughter:* Mom, I cannot stand my husband. I want to kill him but I don’t have the courage to do it, can you help me? Please!

*Mother:* Yes honey, I know exactly what to do but there is a small problem. You will have to make peace with him first so that no one will suspect you for his death. You have to be so good and kind to him, take care of him and cater to him that the last thing he told his friends was how lucky he was to have you.

Be respectful romantic, grateful, patient, loving, submissive to him. See him as your King not your subject… be less selfish, more just, listen to him, get rid of all the hate you have for him in your mind, don’t nag or criticize him.

My daughter, I know it’s sound crazy but you can do it, so don’t doubt yourself. Work starts this evening. Can you do it?

*Daughter:* Yes Mom, anything to finally be rid of him.

*Mother:* Ok, it’s …. Well, take this white powder which is what you need to kill him slowly. Every day, you just pour a little in his food and he will die slowly.

*After 30 days, Daughter returned to give feedback to her Mother.*

*Daughter:* Mom, I’ve changed my mind, I really no longer want to kill my husband anymore. He is soo romantic, loving and a caring person. For some strange reason, he’s changed and became more loving than ever before. Is there anything I can do to counteract the poison?

*Mother:* Hahahahahaha

*Daughter:* Why are you laughing? Is it too late to save my husband’s life?

*Mother:* No, my dear!. You don’t have to worry. What I gave to you was cassava flour. He will not die.

In reality, the poison was in you. When you harbor hatred and resentment in you, it kills you slowly even more than a poison, so I had to work on you first to work on your husband.

*Daughter:* Hmmmmmm.

Thank You!