There is currently a 50% divorce rate in America (in & out of the church)
70% of those divorces are filled by women.
I guarantee in 50% of those divorces filled by women, what exactly happened is still a mystery to the man.
How can I make such a definitive statement? Because men and women think about things differently, and therefore they speak totally different languages. Men’s first language is logic. Women’s first language is emotion. NO! I am not saying men are logical and women are illogical. See what I mean – I said FIRST language.
It simply means that when looking at a problem most men are going to try to calculate the shortest distance between two lines and quite possibly without taking into account his or your feelings. Don’t be mad, and call us stupid, we are wired that way and guess who installed the wiring. Believe it or not, women do the exact same thing, EXCEPT they are approaching the solution from a different starting place than men. So in their calculations, they may accommodate for “pit stops” and turns i.e considering their feelings in determining the best way to reach the end point that men in general do not.
It is a well-known fact that many women expect their men to be psychic’s in a relationship when things are GOOD and when men fail at correctly interpreting hints, signals and even statements there are problems.
This unfair expectation of men becomes an even bigger problem when there are disagreements because now bitterness, anger, unforgivness, and resentment are in the picture.
“You so smart, you figure it out.”
“I have already told you, I’m not telling you again.”
Her – “You said xyz.”
Him – “But that’s not what I meant.”
Her – “Well, you should have said what you meant.”
Any of those sound familiar?
None of these kind of statements, help solve the problem. Especially when they are laced with shots, expletives and put downs. In most cases what was meant was actually said but the words used may have been interpreted in a negative way because you were upset and filtering it through the lenses of all the other things that he has ever done wrong in the relationship. (also not fair)
A problem STATED is a problem SOLVED.
It is not even about who is right or wrong. Through personal experience, I have come to the realization that it is possible for both parties to be right in an argument. How is that possible? Before I tell you, think about the last few arguments you had that really didn’t get solved. Got them? Now since you are not in the heat of the battle, see if you can apply this one little tid bit of information and see if the problem could have been solved.
The reason why both of you could have been 100% right in your disagreement is because even though you were addressing and talking about the SAME PROBLEM you were talking about TWO DIFFERENT THINGS concerning that problem.
Think about it. Most problems are a little complex, which means they may have multiple facets or layers to come to a solution. I’m thinking of a hotel with 10 floors. You are in the same hotel (problem) but you are on floor 8 and he is on floor 5. You are saying the third door on the right is 805 has two beds, two tv’s, two lamps, a chair and a refrigerator which is absolutely, positively, 100% right.
And he is saying the third door on the right is 508 and it only has a king size, one chair, one tv, one lamp, and a refrigerator which is also absolutely, positively, 100% right. Again both of you are in the same hotel, both of you are talking about rooms, there are the same elements in each room (beds, tv’s, lamps, chairs etc.) but you are not talking about the exact same room or part of the problem.
He may have looked at you a certain way and because of either your internal thoughts of yourself (thinking your fat) or what you think he thinks about you (because he has said something about your weight before) you interpreted his look as disgust when disgust was the furthest thing from his mind.
And this is why I can make that definitive statement that 50% of those divorce filings were based on the woman talking about room 805 and the man to this day has no idea what she was talking about. And if BOTH parties would have just taken the time to calm down and MAKE THAT EXTRA EFFORT to come to each other’s floor they might still be married today.